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Diary: I Can See The Light, But I’m Still In The Tunnel

The monsoon breeze is blowing and the rains are pouring down at our flat in Jaimahal and I’m inspired to do something I don’t normally do…write a short and honest ‘my diary’ post inspired by some things from my week.

I don’t want to go too much into the past.  If you follow my blog then you know about my past year or so in India and the trials and tribulations that I have been dealing with since my arrival.  I’m sure to many outside observers it looks as though I’ve been living a fun and exciting life full of constant parties and access to some very interesting people.  And in part that is true.  But beneath the surface of the party girl and the generally happy-go-lucky blogger who always sees the wonderful, funny and bright side to life in India, I have also been living the hardest and most financially stressful year of my life.

This week I received not one but three emails from readers asking why I stopped writing and why I seem to only be writing reviews of local businesses.  They were all lovely mails, all very sweet, simply stating that they missed the normal stories about my life in India and they asked what was going on.  Well, what’s going is that because of the stress I’m under lately, I simply can’t think of anything much fun or light or entertaining to write about it.  I see the dark side of it all and restaurant and salon reviews are easier to write at times like this.  I hadn’t been seeing life the same way I used to because it wasn’t the same anymore.  Problems were mounting, the best friend I used to chat to everyday sadly is no longer around and I’ve felt like that little kid in the cartoons with the little rain cloud that follows him everywhere he goes.  I was starting to lose all hope, felt alone and almost gave up.

But today I am feeling truly blessed.  And for the first time in a very long time I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Yesterday was a big day for a new project I’ve been working on.  You know those projects or ideas that people refer to as their baby?  Well, it’s like that.  I was given the green light to move forward and I couldn’t be happier.  It is a game changer for me, for my life, and for the future I can provide for my daughter’s education.  Destiny stepped in yesterday … so now the rest just really depends on how hard I work, and I plan to work my tail off because I’m so grateful to have been given an opportunity to change my future.  So thankful that India has once again connected me to people who believe and care enough about someone else and someone else’s dreams to make a difference.

I know that soon I will be back to writing about the funny tidbits of life in Bangalore, mothballs, head bobs, spicy food and my driver Shiva.  But today this is what it is.  And I’d like to say a special thanks to the readers who reached out…was nice to feel some virtual love as a blogger, where my best friend in this endeavor is normally Eduardo my laptop.

XOXO Angela

© 2012 Angela Carson, Angela’s Adventures in Bangalore

Angela Carson

At 21 I left uni, jumped into my Jeep Wrangler, and drove from my native California to live an adventure in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I've explored 37 countries on 4 continents, residing in 8 of them (currently Indonesia's Riau Islands is my home). I even have a private pilot's license and was shot at once by bandits!

This Post Has 25 Comments

  1. Prabhakar

    All the best (Y) 🙂

  2. Nishant

    Great to read that you have got some good things coming your way!! All the best to you!!

    1. angela_carson

      Hey, thanks! I’m so excited … let’s see if it all works out as I have projected. -angela

  3. Karthik. k

    Hey Angela ive been reading your blogs for a while now cause 1 i love reading and 2 i think your writing is awesome.! Ive always wanted to be creative person getting into marketing or PR but got caught up in the rat race and now i work close to 12 hrs a day.! Yes there is a point in my ramblings and it is that the harder you work the sooner you see the silver lining. Its just a matter of how many times you bounce back and not how hard youve been hit.! Atleast thats what i think.!

    1. angela_carson

      Rock on, I like the words of wisdom…thanks for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated. And thanks so much for the “awesome” writing compliment 🙂 Hope you will keep reading…

  4. Always one ISD call away angela 🙂

    Well, joke aside… Ups and Downs are part of life, but the important thing is to keep going on.

    Sometimes we have this questions of ‘What am I doing?’, etc (I almost have on every birthday since my 30th except the last one where I got enlightened)

    Well, if we all have clue about what we are doing and what we are suppose to do, we all will be a bunch of people with nothing else to do and we would complain about boredom then 🙂

    Never stop living and never stop having hope 🙂 afterall, that’s the only thing motivates us on daily basis isn’t it?

    Success and Failure are perception. Don’t try to earn them. Just keep larger vision, keep smaller goals, celebrate milestones and most importantly – Keep Smiling 🙂

    Hope I’d meet you when (and that’s a big WHEN) I come India.

    God bless you amigo. All the best for the project 🙂

    1. angela_carson

      Hey Rhonald, long comment from you. Thanks for sending over your warm thoughts, it is much appreciated — especially since you’ve been following along here since last summer if I remember correctly 🙂 Cheers to YOU!! -angela

  5. Am just an ISD away to talk 🙂

    Well, joke aside, we all go through phases of life and sometimes all we see is pitch dark. But we gotta keep moving to find the light. We may not know the direction that we are heading nor we know whether we will see the light, but we know we are trying.

    No one has found a recipe for living perfect life. The smiling guy next to you is same as clueless as you, but he never stopped smiling & trying isn’t it?

    Every problem that we face makes us stronger and prepares us for the bigger hurdle towards our destination. But they also helps us to nourish the best moments when we have them.

    Never follow anyone’s definition of “success” and “failure” in life. These days having big buck is the ‘only’ definition of ‘success’ which I disagree. Have a vision, make some goals, achieve milestones – but most imporatntly; keep SMILING.

    I am happy to hear about the project. I hope you will find better ones as you progress in life 🙂

    Hope to meet you when (and that’s a big WHEN) I come India.

    God bless, have an awesome life 🙂

  6. Mary

    It is nice to read something real. Not all of life is parties and dancing and laughs. The trials you feel now will only make you that much more appreciative of normal life should you decide to return to the west. India is incredible. Fundamental culture differences are real things that cause real and sometimes very large amounts of stress. Only when you return to a life similar to what you left behind before India will it really be clear to you just how much this experience “grew” you as a person. My friend worked in Mumbai for one year and it was VERY hard for him. Keep on keepin’ on! 🙂

    1. angela_carson

      I love the Keep on Keepin’ On message 🙂 I really appreciate that you took the time to send your words of encouragement. -angela

  7. d undertoad

    As Jerry Garcia so eloquently put it – a touch of grey, suits you.Kinda makes one rethink this whole business about reincarnation, don’t it?
    I mean, there I was, feeling all alone and stranger in a strange land-y, emoting the words to ‘Tears of a Clown’,and then your Light, Tunnel thing. Gracias, amiga.
    and, Keep on truckin’.

    1. angela_carson

      I have to be honest with you… this is the first comment you’ve left that I feel a bit ‘dumb blonde’ and not 100% sure I understood but you always are so gracious with your comments I am going to assume the best 🙂 🙂 I will indeed keep on truckin’ 🙂

      1. dundertoad

        good assumption. my bad on the format. herewith a key.
        “A touch of grey…” the elegance that shows when bootstraps have been used to pull oneself out of depression – Jerryt Garcia songwriter for the Greatful (sic) Dead.
        “Stranger in a Strangelan…” – the emotions of an ex-pat who needs to talk to folks who don’t look puzzled when he idiomatically moans and bitches – Robert Heinlein from the book of the same name.
        “Tears of a Clown…” – the 60’s pop song that keeps going through the aforementioned ex-pat’s humming when he hears himself keeping his driver in stitches while on the way to a solitary brunch.
        “… tunnel, light …” your honest article – Angela Carson
        Si Mon, as they say in Mexico, dey effay.
        It’s all good.

  8. anamikaa

    I am so happy to know things are looking up. It is difficult when you feel there is nothing better coming along, but hopefully with this change, you can start looking out for the more positive experiences in you life. I love hearing not only about all the good things that you are experiencing in b’lore but also the mechanics of life in India – and we all know it’s not always rosy!

    1. angela_carson

      No, not always rosy but certainly always special in one way or another. Thanks so much for your kind words, the games have begun so I’m guessing the positive side to life is about to open back up again for me. -ange

  9. Kumar

    I was so thinking that you are missing some good friend….finally LoL it for Eduardo!!
    All the best with your new destiny!! 🙂

    1. angela_carson

      I named Eduardo back in the early days of living here before I had a single friend and ate dinner by myself every single night! hehe

  10. joemon

    Joemon wish angela good luck , joemon like angela blog , joemon prays to god to give angela lots of $s

    1. angela_carson

      hahaha why are you talking about yourself in the 3rd person? Is this Indian English with a hint of Russian grammar structure now? 🙂

  11. PencilGirl

    It’s been a little while, and I see you’ve been having a rough time. But as always, I can’t help be in awe of your spirit. You never stay down for long, and that’s just amazing.. I’m super glad things are working out for you. Things are getting a little better for me too. The monsoons seem to be blowing in some happy times, huh? 🙂
    Looking forward to reading more of your adventures.. Hugs! 🙂

    1. angela_carson

      Have you left us for Chennai, M? I will be so sad if we don’t meet for a coffee, or if I missed you already. I’m glad things are turning around for you but was so sad to realise that your “last post” wasn’t some kind of joke. How are you feeling about that? Started up a new one yet? 🙂 Thanks so much for always being here, big hugs to you… and if you haven’t left yet, let’s meet up xoxo

      1. PencilGirl

        Hey.. I am indeed in Chennai at the moment- just visiting family though.. Should be back in B’lore in a couple of weeks. We shall definitely get that coffee before I leave the city. 🙂

  12. Anita Charney

    My baby has a new baby and I'm a new grandma! I am so proud of you!

    Great job, Lovie! Keep up the good work, struggle on, I will forward my comments when I can (and hyphenate the 'ohhh-so-charming' in Foodie Road Trip!

    1. AngelaCarson

      My dear Anita, this is officially the first comment on my blog at her new home 🙂 I’m really proud of my baby, the culmination of months of hard work. And yes, as my mentor you are absolutely the grandma 🙂 I learned all my writing tricks and style from you!! Miss you, love you xoxo

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